Once Upon a Mattress: Harry Potter Style
by hollytiger
Summary: (CH. 4 Up!) It's Once Upon a Mattress: Harry Potter Style! Harry is Prince Dauntless, and Hermione is Princess Winnifred. Read for lots of romance and laughs.
1. The Twelfth Girl

Once Upon a Mattress: Harry Potter Style

by

Holly

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, and "Once Upon a Mattress" is the property of Mary Rodgers.

Summary: Okay, I've decided that I'm going to bring James and Lily back to life to do this because it wasn't working out the other way I wanted to do this. I'll be using their real names though. The list is just so you know who's who. Enjoy!

Cast

Minstrel- Remus Lupin

Princess Number 12- Katie Bell

Wizard- Dumbledore

Lady Larken- Lavender Brown

Queen Aggravain- Lily Potter

Prince Dauntless- Harry Potter

King Sextimus the Silent- James Potter

Jester- Sirius Black

Sir Studley- Draco Malfoy

Sir Luce- Fred Weasley

1st Knight- George Weasley

2nd Knight- Dean Thomas

3rd Knight- Seamus Finnegan

Lady Rowena- Angelina Johnson

Lady Merrill- Alicia Spinnet

Lady Lucille- Ginny Weasley

Sir Harry- Ron Weasley

Wench- Cho Chang *snickers* 

Princess Winnifred- Hermione Granger

Lady Mabelle- Fleur Delacour

Act One

Scene 1

Not too long ago, in the Kingdom of Gryffindor, there lived a prince. His name was Prince Harry. He was very gloomy, for he did not have a bride. They had gone through thirteen princesses. As I recall that day, when I had arrived at the Gryffindor Palace, I remember distinctly that the twelfth princess was being tested. Her name was Katie Bell.

"Are you ready for the next question?" asked Dumbledore to the young princess.

"I guess so," said Katie. The ladies and knights leaned in to hear the question.

"Name three Kings. Is that clear?"

"Yes." Katie paused. "Would you repeat the question?" The ladies and knights groaned.

"Certainly. Name three kings."

"May I take the third king first?" Dumbledore nodded "yes". "The three kings are…"

"Is this a trial?" I asked Lady Angelina.

"No, it's a royalty test to find out if she's a true princess," Angelina replied.

"King John, King Arthur, and…" said Katie.

"Does it matter if she's a true princess?" I replied.

"Oh yes," spoke up another lady, Lady Alicia. "If she's a true princess, then we can all get married."

"King Ethelred," said Katie positively.

"That's absolutely correct!" said Dumbledore and everyone but the queen cheered.

"She's smart Mama. She's the best one yet!" said Prince Harry. "Can I marry her now Mama? Can I?"

"No sweetheart," said Queen Lily. "There's still ONE more question." She snapped her fingers and Dumbledore came over to her.

"This test isn't going to be fair," spoke up Lady Virginia, who preferred to be called Ginny.

"It's the law that isn't fair," said Alicia.

"Law?" I asked.

"The Marriage law," said Ginny. "Throughout the land, no one may wed, 'til Harry to the Altar's led."

"Harry?" I asked.

"The prince," said Angelina. "Until he gets married, none of us can."

"You have now reached the 7th plateau," said Dumbledore to Katie. The crowd got anxious. "Here is your final question, concerning a man often referred to as the Knight of the Red Cross. 1. What was his name, 2. What beast did he slay, 3. How many rows of teeth did the beast have and what kind, and 4. What was the middle name, of the daughter-in-law, of the best friend, of the blacksmith, who forged the sword that killed the beast?" As Dumbledore read this, the knights and ladies groaned.

"1. St. George," said Katie. The crowd got excited. "2. The dragon, 3. Twelve rows of teeth and they were iron, and 4. Would you repeat the question." The crowd groaned again.

"What was the middle name, of the daughter-in-law, of the best friend, of the blacksmith, who forged the sword that killed the beast?"

"The middle name?" asked Katie

"The middle name."

"The daughter-in-law?"

"In-law. You have thirty seconds," said Dumbledore as he pulled out an hourglass. He laughed wickedly.

"Oh pass, please pass," spoke up a lady by the name of Lavender.

"Do you speak my lady?" I asked.

"No, I--" she seemed flustered.

"Twenty seconds," said Dumbledore

"Oh…" said Katie as she thought.

"I wish her success, she is a pretty little thing," I said, keeping my eyes on Lavender.

"Ten seconds."

"Ohhh…"

"I'm terribly sorry…"

"OHHH…"

"…Your time is up." Everyone groaned. I could see a few girls crying and Lavender was very sullen.

"Too bad, my dear, too bad," said Queen Lily. "You do show a certain aptitude, but as for the true brilliance of royalty…well, I'm afraid not. Remember, blood will tell, and yours didn't quite tell us enough." Sir Draco handed the queen a large dead bird, and Queen Lily handed the bird to Katie and continued.

"However, to show that there are no hard feelings, here is a nice consolation prize for you. Goodbye, good luck, and…GET OUT." As Katie ran out weeping, Prince Harry pouted.

"Sweetheart…Harry!" Stop pouting!" said Lily. A girl screamed. King James had goosed her.

"Now don't dilly-dally, Harry. It's nearly time for your cocoa." She walked away and with that, Harry broke out into song.

Harry: Oh I liked her 

Lavender: So did I! 

Harry: Why does every princess get the bird?

Alicia: (spoken) it's just absurd! 

Angelina: (spoken) I've never heard a test so difficult to pass!

Harry: Alas a lass is what I lack I lack a lass, alas alack 

Knights: throughout the land, no one may wed 'til Harry shares his marriage bed!

Ladies: Oh------- The lonely spinster's life! Go and get the prince a royal wife! 

All: We have an opening for a princess for a genuine certified princess 

Ladies: tell us when you intend to end this dilemma we're in 

Knights: None of the ladies give a fig for living' in sin 

All: We have an opening for a princess for a beautiful, bonafide princess 

Ladies: Where's the dutiful Knight who'll right all the wrongs we've been done?

Knights: None of the ladies are having' any fun! 

Ladies: What to do what to do. Pity the ladies in waiting. Four Eight

Knights: What to do what to do. Pity the gentlemen two Six 

All: Ten eleven twelve contenders in a row 

Knights: they came, they were tested 

Ladies: then swiftly requested to go for a princess for a genuine certified princess 

Ladies: tell us when you intend to send us a girl who can pass

Knights: Ohhh---- Go and get the prince a royal wife 

Knights: None of the ladies are having' any 

All: no one is having' any No one is gettin' any younger and it's been god-knows-how-long since we've had an opening for a princess who's good enough, nice enough, sweet enough, smart enough, rich enough for our poor prince!

Everyone dispersed and Dumbledore came over to me.

"Remus! You've arrived!"

"Yes I am Dumbledore."

"Splendid, splendid!" He took out a piece of parchment. "Watch closely. I take a plain piece of parchment with no cuts, no folds, creases, or concealed pockets…"

At this time, Sirius Black, who was the court jester, shook his bells in front of Dumbledore's face.

"Well?" asked Dumbledore. "What is it?"

"Excuse me, Albus, but I have to take Remus to sign in with the castle steward."

"This way please!" said a knight. It was Sir Fred Weasley's twin, Sir George.

"I'm on my way to Normandy. I won't be staying long," I said as George and I left.

"For your father's sake," said Dumbledore to Sirius, " I put up with a good deal from you. Don't address me as Albus in Court. Just because you're father and I were in show business together, don't presume!" Sirius and Dumbledore as Sir Ronald Weasley came over to Lady Lavender, who was talking to a knight.

"Ho! Sir Ron!" said Dean Thomas. Lavender ran over to Ron.

"My darling, you missed the test," she said as they parted from a hug.

"Sweet Lavender, my new responsibilities as Chivalric Knight of the Herald keep me busy," said Sir Ron.

"The latest princess was a failure."

"NO!" said Sir Ron shocked.

"Yes," said Lavender sadly.

"Bad Luck," said Ron. "But don't despair for we have plenty of time. If a true princess is not found within the next few months I will go out and find one myself, or I don't deserve to wear my spurs."

"Darling…?" asked Lavender.

"My love?" he replied.

"Do you remember the Royal Joust on Whitsunday, when you won those spurs?"

"Of course."

"When you were called Sir Ron, the Fairest and Bravest knight in all the land, and everyone agreed that you had a brilliant future ahead of you; that someday you'd be Lord Chamberlain or even Prime Minister?

"Well," said Ron laughing, "I don't know about Prime Minister."

"Do you remember the lovely picnic we all had later on the greensward with the lovely cold pheasant?"

"Yes."

"And you and I wandered away from the others and watched the sun go down?"

"Yes."

"And a bushel of Lavender was springing up from the ground and you said that you'd remember that moment forever because the beauty of the flower reminded you of me?"

"Yes, Lavender, yes."

"And then, we watched the sun go down?" she grinned devilishly.

"Yes," Ron sighed happily.

"Well," began Lavender. She took a deep breath. "I'm going to have a baby." Ron stopped in his tracks, stunned at this. "So you see, a princess for Dauntless _must_ be found, or I shall have to go away somewhere."

"Uh…. Uhrm…" he stuttered.

"Oh darling," said Lavender, "I'm so worried. This will ruin you and you'd never be Prime Minister or anything! Just say the word and I'll go. I'll go far away from here! Say the word Ron!"

"No," said Ron after pausing briefly. "Why should we suffer all our lives just because _you_ had a moment of the weakness?"

"Oh Ron!" cried Lavender as she threw herself in his arms.

"We're none of us perfect. Everything's going to be all right."

"Oh Ron!" cried Lavender. Ron started to sing.

Ron: It won't be long 

It won't be long 

It won't because it can't be long

Before our dream comes true 

Because you know I don't belong 

And furthermore I shan't belong 

To anyone but you 

Lavender: In a little while

Just a little while 

You and I will be one two three four 

In a little while I will see your smile

On the face of my son to be 

Forever hand in glove

Is the way I have it planned.

But I'll only stay in love 

If the glove contains your hand 

In a velvet gown I'll be coming down the aisle 

And it's bound to seem as though 

The waiting's only been a little 

In a little while.

Ron: (spoken) Have you any idea how soon my love?

Lavender: November.

Ron: November?!!

Lavender: My time is at a premium 

For soon the world will see me a 

Maternal bride to be 

I know I mustn't worry Ronny 

Still I wish you'd hurry Ronny 

Ronny marry me! 

Ron: In a little while 

Just a little while 

You and I will be one two three four 

In a little while I will see your smile 

On the face of my son to be

Forever hand in glove 

Is the way I have it planned.

But I'll only stay in love 

If the glove contains your hand 

Both: In a Velvet gown you'll/I'll be coming down the aisle 

And it's bound to seem as though

The waiting's only been a little

In a little while 

They walked away, hand in hand, looking at each other.

To be continued…


	2. The Request

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, and "Once Upon a Mattress" is the property of Mary Rodgers.

Thanks to all who reviewed!

hermioneharry4ever- I know what they're gripping about. They don't like how I placed the characters.

Vocal Harmony Lady-in-Waiting- of course it's funny! It's OUAM! I did it this year too!

Ch. 2 The Request

Later that day, they approached Queen Lily and Prince Harry.

"Your Majesty…your highness," said Lavender, curtsying.

"Hello Ron!" said Harry cheerfully. He admired Ron.

"Don't interrupt!" said Lily. "Well?" she asked Lavender.

"Sir Ron wishes to speak to you, Madame."

"Well?" Lily asked Ron. 

"Madame, I have the honor to request a Perilous Labor. I wish to search for a true princess."

"No! Absolutely not! Besides, we've been through all the eligible girls from the neighboring kingdoms. There's simply none left."

"But your Majesty, I plan to head north.

"North? But there's nothing up north except the swamp!" Queen Lily cried.

"Exactly!" Ron said. "It's the only place left to look!"

"Absolutely not! Why, The idea is preposterous!" said Lily. Harry looked at her.

"Let him go Mama! Let him go, for me?" Harry asked.

"Alright, it's your sinus!" Lily said.

"HOORAY! Yahoo!" cheered Harry. He shook Ron's hand. "Good luck Ron, Good Luck!" With that, he and Queen Lily left.

"Oh Ron," began Lavender. "Just promise me something. Wear this my love." She pinned a small stem of lavender on his heart. "I'll be-I mean, we'll be waiting for you."

Ron: It won't be long 

It won't be long 

It won't because it can't be long 

Before our dream comes true 

Because you know I don't belong 

And furthermore I shan't belong 

To anyone but you

Lavender: In a little while 

Just a little while 

You and I will be one two three four 

In a little while I will see your smile 

On the face of my son to be 

Forever hand in glove 

Is the way I have it planned 

But I'll only stay in love 

If the glove contains your hand 

In a velvet gown I'll be coming down the aisle 

And it's bound to seem as though 

The waiting's only been a little in a little while 

Ron: I can see it all 

Down to every small detail 

So I wish you'd look around until you found 

A castle in the neighborhood for sale 

And they walked away hand in hand.

To be continued…


	3. You Swam the MOAT?!

Ch. 3: "You Swam the MOAT?!"

A month had passed, and it wasn't long before Ron returned, this time with a new princess. Her name was Hermione Granger of Surrey. Everyone gaped at her, standing on top of the castle wall, drenched with water and weeds. It looked like she had come from a storm. In fact, it wasn't even raining. Hermione spat some out of her mouth and everyone shrieked as it landed on them. 

"Actually, I swam the moat," she said. "But don't worry, there's a nice draft. If I just stand here, I'll be dry in no time!" The crowd groaned and held their hands to their noses, blocking the revolting smell.

"Look Mama!" said an amused Harry. "She's all wet!" However, the queen was not.

"You Swam the MOAT?!" said Lily stunned.

"We tried to lower the drawbridge but she didn't wait for it," said Sir George.

"She seemed determined to get here as soon as possible," murmured Dean.

"We had to get a rope and pull her out!" said Seamus Finnegan, who was another knight.

"You Swam the MOAT?!" said Lily again.

"All right, I admit, I was a little anxious at first. My friend, Sir Ron?" Hermione said pointing outside the castle walls, "He's still out there. He said you had an opening for a princess! Any princess! I figured, the early bird. Anyway, here I am! Who's the luck guy?" She turned to George.

Mione: Hey nonny nonny is it you? 

George: Hey nonny nonny nonny no. 

Mione: Hey nonny nonny is it you? 

Dean: Hey nonny nonny nonny no. 

Mione: Hey nonny nonny is it you or you or you or you or (Harry got excited and replied)

Harry: Nonny neeny noony neeny nonny noonny 

Queen Lily: NO NO NO! 

As Queen Lily grabbed Harry by the ear and dragged him out of sight, Hermione came down the steps and Knights and Ladies stepped away from her in fear. George, Dean and Seamus followed.

Mione: Someone's being bashful 

That's no way to be 

Not with me

Can't you see 

That I am just as embarrassed as you 

And I can understand your point of view

I've always been SHY 

The Knights and Ladies groaned because she sounded way off.

Mione: I confess that I'm SHY 

Can't you guess that this confident air Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy 

And you can be sure 

Way down deep I'm demure 

Though some people I know may deny it

At bottom I'm quiet and pure 

I'm aware that it's wrong to be meek as I am 

My chances may pass me by 

I pretend to be strong, but as weak as I am 

All I can do is try God knows I try 

Though I'm frightened and shy 

And despite the impression I give 

I confess that I'm living a lie 

Because I'm actually terribly timid 

And horribly shy 

Hermione wrapped her arm around Sir Fred's shoulders as she sang this and Lady Angelina grew red with anger. The Knights and Ladies were shocked and one lady murmured, "Someone's on the sofa tonight." She continued on.

Mione: Though a lady may be dripping with glamour 

As often as not she will stumble and stammer 

When suddenly confronted with romance 

And she's likely to fall on her face 

When she's finally face to face 

With a pair of pants 

Everyone giggled as Hermione looked and pointed at Harry's crotch and turned away. Harry looked down and Lily stood in front of him. Dumbledore came down to get a closer look at her.

Mione: Quite often the lady's not as hard to please as she seems 

Quite often she will settle for something less than the man of her dreams 

Hermione came face to face with Dumbledore, was startled and took off, everyone giggling hysterically.

Mione: I'm going fishing for a mate 

Knights and Ladies: She's going fishing for a mate 

Mione: I'm gonna look in every brook

Knights and Ladies: She's gonna look in every brook 

Mione: But how much longer must I wait 

With baited breath and hook? 

Draco, Fred, Seamus, Dean and George began a sword dance and everyone watched as they moved their swords. As they pointed their swords in front of them, Hermione applauded.

Mione: Oh that was WONDERFUL! 

They finshed with a bow and everyone applauded.

Mione: And that is why 

Though I'm painfully shy 

I'm insane to know which sir, You sir? 

Fred: Not I sir 

Mione: Then who sir 

Where sir and when sir I couldn't be tenser 

So let's get this done man 

Get on with the fun man

I am one man 

Knights and Ladies: The lady's one man 

All: Shy! 

As everyone ended, the queen spoke those same words again.

"You Swam the MOAT?!"

Hermione motioned for Fred to come over to her.

"Does she ever say anything except, 'You Swam the MOAT?!'

"Uh, why don't you ask her for yourself?" said Fred, (hey that rhymes!) backing away in fear and receiving a look from Angelina. Hermione walked over to Queen Lily.

"Do you ever say anything except-"

"Do YOU mean to tell me," interrupted the Queen, "that YOU my dear, are a true princess?"

"Why yes…I…"

"Excuse me dear," said a voice. It was Dumbledore. "Are you new here?"

Hermione taken aback, nodded.

"Good. "Watch closely. I take a plain piece of parchment with no cuts, no folds, creases, or concealed pockets…"

Everyone groaned as he did this. (I mean, this is Dumbledore after all) Hermione looked disgusted and ran towards the castle door.

"It's a nuthouse!" she exclaimed. The ladies and knights spoke up.

"No! Please! Don't leave!"

"Wait!" shouted Harry. Hermione stopped in her tracks and turned around.

"You're the one, I guess," said Hermione.

"Sure. I'm Prince Harry, the Drab."

"Well, it was nice meeting you." She took off back towards the stairs and everyone kept begging her to stay.

"Wait a sec," said Harry. "I like you."

"You do?" Hermione replied.

"Yeah, everyone likes you." The ladies and knights said "Yes!" in choruses and the Queen laughed.

"Well," said Harry. "ALMOST everybody."

"Why?"

"You swam the moat!"

"Now Harry, I don't want to come between you and your mother. Besides, I'm not like that," said Hermione, backing away towards the edge of the wall. Everyone was warning her to watch her step but she wasn't listening.

"I'm actually SHHYYY!!!" said Hermione as she fell back into the moat. Everyone gasped.

"She's in the moat again!" said Dean and the five knights rushed over to the edge.

"She swam the moat Mama!" cried Harry as he watched.

"Are you alright your highness?" asked Fred off to Hermione.

"It's cold!" came the voice of Hermione.

"Twice!" cried Harry joyfully.

"I don't need any help!"

Just then, a fanfare rang out and everyone shouted, "Sir Ron! Sir Ron is back!"

Ron proudly walked in, Ginny smiling at her brother. He stopped in front of the queen.

"Your majesty, I have the honor of presenting her Royal Highness, Princess Hermione!"

"Well, you're too late. She's been here and gone!" said Lily.

"Gone?" said a confused Ron.

"Yes! She's swimming home! She's not a REAL princess!"

"Ah, but your majesty! I have her papers right here!" Everyone excitedly whispered and a crowd gathered, trying to read what it said.

"Princess Hermione Lynn Winnifred Granger of Surrey. Her family crest reads: 'Ifyay atyay irstfay ouyay on'tday ucceedsay, ytray, ytray, againyay.'"

"And that means…?" asked Lily.

"Roughly it means, If at first you don't succeed…-"

"Never mind," said Lily.

"Mama, may I say something?" asked Harry.

"No. She's not a princess, Sir Ron. Why, the idea of her being one is unlikely!"

"A test your majesty!" cried a lady.

"Yes! Yes! A test!" cried the others.

"A test mama! A test! Please Mama? For me?"

"All right, we'll test her! Dumbledore and I will put on our thinking caps."

"Get her by the leg!" cried Fred.

"This IS her leg!" said George.

"we'll test her for…"

"That's NOT my leg!" said Hermione. A few girls shrieked at this.

"Ugh!" said Lily. "How crude! We'll test her for sensitivity! She'll have her test," she said to the crowd. Everyone bowed or curtsied. "And she'll fail just like all the others!" Lily and Dumbledore left and Hermione came down the stairs.

"What test?" she asked.

"The royalty test," said Angelina as the crowd dispersed.

"Every princess fighting for my hand has to take a test to prove that they're a true princess."

"Oh," said Hermione. "Well, I like tests!"

"Would you like me to show you your room?" asked Harry.

"Well that would be wonderful!" said Hermione. "I can't wait to get out of these dripping wet clothes!" And they left.

To be continued…


	4. Remus, Sirius, James and Sensitivity

Ch. 4 Remus, Sirius, James and Sensitivity

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, and "Once Upon a Mattress" is the property of Mary Rodgers.

Thanks to all who reviewed!

(A.N. King's pantomime is in brackets)

Same day…a few minutes later.

Lavender strolled into the courtyard and spotted King James.

"Hello your Majesty!" said Lavender. James greeted her.

[waves "Hello" and bows]

"Did you hear? Sir Ron is back with a new princess! Have you met her? I haven't."

["No, I haven't either] James shook his head.

"Well, it was nice talking to you majesty. Bye!" She curtsied and left.

James watched her leave in wonder and started to pace the courtyard grounds. Meanwhile, Remus and Lupin had wandered in and spotted James pacing and wearing a hole in the floor.

"What's wrong your majesty?" asked Sirius.

[I'm worried] James pointed off to the right.

"Worried? About who?" Sirius replied.

[A lady] James curtsied.

"A lady?" Remus said, puzzled.

"Which lady?" asked Sirius. James pantomimed.

[flower growing]

"A flower?" replied Remus. Sirius started to name all the flowers he could think of.

"Daisy, Daffodil, Petunia, Lily…" Remus snickered as he said this and Sirius shot him a look. "…Tulip, Lavender…" James clapped his hand on Lavender.

"Lavender? Lady Lavender?" asked Remus. James nodded. He made a signal with his hands.

"And?" wondered Sirius. James got down and knighted himself.

"A knight?" asked Sirius.

"Which knight?" asked Remus. James showed off his muscles.

"Sir Ron," said Remus and Sirius, looking at each other, in unison.

"Why are you worried?" asked Remus.

[She's in trouble] James pretended to behead himself.

"She's in trouble?" asked Remus.

[Big trouble] James made a motion for big.

"Big trouble…" murmured Sirius.

"Why?" asked Remus. James made his stomach look round with his hands.

[Pregnant]

"She's fat?" wondered Remus.

James took his crown off his head and placed it under his robes. Then he waddled.

"She's gonna have a baby!" said Sirius. James looked like he was about to thank God.

"Who else knows?" asked Remus.

[Sir Ron]

"Besides Sir Ron," said Remus. He pointed to Remus, Sirius, and himself and held a finger to his lips as if to say "Shhh, it's a secret."

"Don't worry, your Majesty!" said Remus. "We can keep a secret! 

The question is, can you? "

[Of course I can! I can't freaking talk!] He zipped his lips, locked them and pretended to eat a key. 

Angelina walked by them and waved to James who started to follow her excitedly.

"Oh, we know you can't talk, but you do manage to communicate!" said Remus as he pulled James back away from Angelina.

R and S: We have only two voices among us, and yet 

There's a third voice, a voice in disguise 

You'll be hearing a trio and not a duet 

If you listen with both of your eyes!

Kindly [listen] with both of your [eyes]! 

R and S: We- pro- duce a unique and remarkable blend 

When we raise our three voices on high 

We're in perfect accord from beginning to [end]

Sirius: The King and the Minstrel and I! 

R and S: Yet if one of our trio should ever depart 

Then the others would languish and die 

We're like three different people with only one [heart]! 

Remus: The King and the Jester and I! 

All: Sing hey nonny nonny, hey nonny nonny hi diddle diddle 

Strike up the tune on the [fiddle]! 

Sirius: Oh the cook claims she's missing one chocolate cream roll 

And a fish that was ready to fry!

Both: Guess who's dining on pastry and filet of [sole]!

James: [The Minstrel, The Jester and I!]

All: Sing hey nonny nonny, hey nonny nonny needle and thimble 

Crash us a clash on the [cymbal]! 

As James recovered, he spotted a girl and took off after her.

Remus: It's been said of the King that his morals are loose 

But the Queen is much worse on the sly! 

Sirius: Well what's good for the gander is good for the [goose]!

A girl screamed off to the left. James goosed her. He came back.

Remus: Say the King and the Jester 

Sirius: The King and the Minstrel 

James: [The Minstrel, and the Jester, and I!] 

They danced off and left.

Meanwhile, Queen Lily and Dumbledore were in another part of the castle, somewhere in a hall.

"Now Dumbledore, we need to think of a test. How can that wretched, little girl possibly be a princess? She's half of what I am. After all those heartless, back-breaking nights of rest it's simply making my condition worst."

"Well, her papers seem to be in order," said Dumbledore as he sat on the Queen's stool. Lily saw him and shot him a look. He got up and let her sit down.

"Well, this test needs to be a test that looks fair, seems fair, and ISN'T fair. When you have sensitivity, it's the long restless days you have in order to sleep peacefully…" She gasped. "I've got it! We'll take twenty soft downy mattresses and one tiny little pea and place it under them. If she feels it, she's a princess. If not, then, too bad. Oh god, you're bright!" she said laughing wickedly. 

"Shall I make a potion to help her sleep?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes Dumbledore, it will get her to fall asleep so that girl won't marry my son!" she said, still laughing. "Now, GET OUT!"

to be continued…


End file.
